here are some recent everyday conversations with joe q. public.

lady: "you know cigarette smokers are 30 percent more likely to die."
me: "hate to break it to you, cigarettes or not, were all even money."

lady: "why do you carry the vanilla mints and not the chocolate ones??"
me: "were racist."

this was taken from outside a gay bar-
asian guy dressed as a lady: "dont smoke on the stairs unless you want the bald guy after you. do you want a giant bald head up your ass??"
me: "isnt that precisely what half the people here are looking for?"

asked in the cookie aisle at work-
man: "where are all your cookies?"
me: (in a whisper) " dont freak out...but theyre all around you."

while watching star wars-
dave: "how come the R4 units always get fucked up, but the R2 units have more weapons than batmans utility belt?"
me: " cuz the R2 units were built for battle, the R4 for flying."
jon: "wow... youve put alot of thought into this. how many beers have you guys had?"
dave and i: "one."
jon: "im goin to bed then."

girl: "wow youre a geek."
me: "i can speak klingon."
girl: "are u serious?"
me: "not really. i fuckin hate star trek. i can speak german though, which is very similar."
girl: "you really are a geek."