stories.
ive never been really adept at getting the point of a story across, whether it be spoken or written. BUT, were gonna start giving them a shot more often in the passages of this e journal. the sad-sap-woe-is-me-bullshit angst angle is soooo august. so lets try to lighten the mood a lil eh?
up first will be a tale spun alomost a decade ago. a bar story if you will. ive told this story now about thirty-seven times. this will be the first time telling it in the form of the written word.

1995. a couple friends are in australia kicking back on holiday after making a bundle selling their upstart company to a conglomerate. its a sunday evening on an outback tour. dingos, aboriginies, and wombats were among the indigenous peoples and creatures observed from within the carriage of their land rover. pictures were taken, beers were consumed, and life was good. the sun was setting directly in front of the moving vehicle as they headed back towards camp, apparently blinding the driver as he visciously struck the one animal that had yet to be seen on the excursion that day. a full grown female kangaroo.
it is australian law that while on outback tours if an animal is slaughtered by the vehicle then you must stay with the animal until further veterinarian assistance can arrive, thereby not disrupting the "circle of life", so to speak. so our heroes sat and waited, with the sun going down in the middle of the southern australian outback having just struck and killed a national treasure. a g'day turned quickly into a sh'day night.
the temperatures can plummet from 100 degrees to around 40 in less than a few hours, and our heroes put on some extra gear from the land rover. an extra tour guide jacket was worn by one, with the only other available in the vehicle being a 1985 larry bird signature celtics jacket. being a lakers fan our other hero had a choice to make: freeze to death in the outback, or wear a jacket of his sworn mortal enemy. "i wont tell anybody...i swear." his business partner and friend promised. half an hour and two more beers later, he resigned himself to the coat.
about an hour into the wait for vet's assistance our heroes made a discovery... they were cold. and bored. and drunk. so they began snapping morbid photos of the kangaroo. after about fifteen minutes of this, boredom arrived again, and the dead marsupial was now propped up on its hind legs having its picture taken with a couple of empty beer cans taped to her cold and lifeless front paws. the lakers fan got the idea of dressing the large dead rat in the celtics jacket. "this is how they treat celtics fans in australia." he snickered while his businessmate depressed the button on the top of the camera. drunken laughter and the sound of the popping flashbulb could be heard likely from perth. and thats when all hell broke loose.
"one more pic dude." the laker fan pushed through his drunken lips,"but hurry, this bitch is heavy." the button was pushed, the flash bulb went off, and the dead kangaroo woke up and kicked the laker fan right square in the didgeridoo with massive marsupial force. the stunned female then lurched forward to headbutt the photographer, missed and smashed the camera instead,rendering it useless, looked up, let out a howl, and bounded off into the darkened horizon of the australian outback with two beer cans taped to her claws and wearing a larry bird celtics jacket.


now remember, this is a story, this is not a fable. if you want a moral or a cutsie little finale to all of this, than youre going to have to make one up yourself. and as a matter of fact, thats what were looking for. this is like a choose your own adventure book, so get to it. the top 3 endings will win an all expense paid trip to the antilles. (airfare and hotel not included.) GOOD LUCK!



on a side note- steve irwin, the crocodile hunter was killed due to a stingray attack to the chest. makes you think twice about the cavalier attitude taken in the depths of the sea. maybe chasing barracuda, moray eels, or sharks isnt such a good idea when in their own environment. but it sure does make for good photos. crikey!