whatever happened to lando calrissian



lando,
i heard youre having difficulties with the drugs again. slurring and stuttering through your lines at the conventions. what are you going to do if you lose that gig? i heard that you hawked your shiny blue cape, i saw a guy wearing it the other day on melrose. said he picked it up at watto's consignment for 15 credits. sad. poor lando, theres no-one there to watch your back. han moved on buddy, selling the hyper-drive from the falcon was the final straw, he said you were no longer "reliable." and thats coming from a swindler, not very kind. and all over a girl to boot. you had to know that leia was never into you. she used you to get to han... it happens, she was a princess after all. let it go, theyre happy together. got a farm on tattooine, can you believe it? han is a farmer. still talking shit about making the kessel run in 15 parsecks. same ol han.

poor lando, you once had it all. people said you looked like that actor who played gale sayers in that brian piccolo movie, now youre fourty pounds overweight, face swollen from the years of drugs and alcohol. you were once a general in the alliance, owned the fastest bucket of bolts in the galaxy, shit- you were the director of a city in the clouds man! got more action then anyone in the galaxy!!! and now you look at you. living in a one room apartment, sharing a bathroom down the hall with a tweaked out twilek and some crack junkie jawa's. i feel bad for you man. all you had to do was call me, i couldve helped.

poor lando. if it makes you feel any better, i heard that chewie isnt doing much better than you. he moved to california to work as a street performer. things were going ok til the other day i read in the papers he got arrested for head butting a tour director outside of gromans chinese theater. god, gromans... you remember that night in '83 when you almost got arrested for defacating in r2's foot prints? good thing i was there to persuade the cops to let you go, god they were weak minded, god we were fucked up. you always were crazy lando. i shouldve known...

anyway. ive gotta go. i just wanted to tell you, and im sorry if this letter comes off as a bit rough, that im still there for you man. theres still good in you, i can feel it. i mean shit, if i can help vader, then i can help you too.
call me
may the force be with you,
luke