texas-hold em for first timers


here's what i know about poker. texas hold em in particular. it doesnt matter if you know the game better than your opponents. all that matters is that you have an endless supply of buy-ins. that way, the cards will eventually catch up to your commitment, and youll never go broke. if youre unafraid of walking away with nothing, then youll usually win every time.

be a good winner, this is most important, as you want people feeling comfortable going in against you. you want your opponent to feel good about losing their money to you. a jovial yet humble winner is a poison snake in the tall grass. a sore winner is a poisoned snake on your dinner plate, nobody enjoys that.

try your best after 4 bad beats in a row to be a solid and happy loser... until that fifth bad beat that moves all your stack to another seat at the table. then flip out. as its my understanding that the only thing worse than a sore winner is a good loser. fuck them. the poker table is no place for a good lil christian. you dont want to seem like a push-over now do you? swear. throw your chips. pound your last beer and smash it over the winners head. toss the table in anger. just do something. remember... dont be a pussy.

next- under no circumstances do you ever answer the phone the next day if the incoming call is from any of the winners at the table. fuck them. no one likes a gloater. the other afternoon i got a message from the big winner from the previous nights game. his grandma had passed in the middle of the night and he was most certainly upset. so i texted him back later in the day with this response: "im sorry about your loss. now maybe youll think twice before you play an 8 - 4 off suit against someones pocket kings. how do you think i felt about that loss, you selfish prick?"

lastly, dont forget to have fun. its a social game, meant to inspire new friendships and a form of camaradrie that only a gambling game can. remember these helpful tips and youll be winning in no time! good luck.