varieties of creature not featured on the animal planet network

during my years of research on a myriad of various subjects i have come across some wildly interesting facts that are buried beneath the veil of normalcy that typical news and media outlets cover on a regular basis. i thought i could share some of these factoids with you.

the double breasted silver chinned grouse-
this species of bird indigenous to oklahoma lives underground. its diet consists entirely of grubs and seaweed. as seaweed is a rarity in oklahoma due to lack of ocean water, the grouse nests near sushi restaurants in sewer drains or under the foundations of the buildings in which the restaurants reside. the long flowing silver beard like feathers located on the bottom of its chin easily distinguish the grouse from its cousin, the double breasted finch. both the double breasted grouse and the finch are the only birds that have nipples, four of them, that burst through its chest plummage during mating season. a rarity to be sure in the world of birds, the grouse uses a form of telekenisis to communicate with its brethren. science is baffled by these strange birds, as professer of avian studies at oklahoma city community college hilario p. knusswaffle has been studying these strange creatures for the better part of 37 years with no real scientific knowledge having been gained from these odd creatures.

the austrian snow spider-
extremely rare, this species of spider lives in the most extreme peaks of the swiss alps. pure white in color, the spider gets its name from the very distinctive hitler-like black moustache just above its mouth. an interesting insect, its diet consists of yellow snow and its own legs. a voracious eater, the snow spider has a life expectancy of 3 hours. due to its odd eating habits, the snow spider has become nearly extinct.

the blue naval lint monkey-
an unusual breed of micro monkey, this animal lives in the belly button of human beings. its diet consists solely of dead skin. unlike its distant cousin, the grey butt crack lint babboon, the lint monkey has a surprisingly advanced defense system. upon contact with human hands it releases a nerve toxin that penetrates the hosts umbilical skin, debilitating its host with feelings of naseua and extreme discomfort. it is for this reason that the lint monkey should never be disturbed. little else is known about these creatures besides their diet and habitat. some research scientists claim that the hiv virus was created by cross breeding between the lint monkey and the butt crack baboon, but these claims have never been substantiated.