suck on some pavement you bumper humping slack jaw! is what i wanted to tell the man who cut my place in line at the local walgreens. a place i usually dare not go alone.
-walking in to "little beirut" as i call it is innocuous enough, the lingerers all wait patiently and respectfully, picking their noses in peace or screaming at themselves in a contained audible tone while the derolicts huddle en masse for a bus that seems to never come, warming themsleves with fire from the ends of their found cigarrette butts. leaving, however, is like being at a morroccan flea market. impossibly dirty hands spring from the smoky ether in begging position. "got a cigarette"? claims are heard in at least two known languages as the flannel shirted hoodie men attack you for your change, and the dirty winter coat set try to con you for "bus fair" with incredibly rich and long winded tales of lost car keys off the decks of their boats or wives caught cheating two towns away.-
instead what i said to the line jumper was "excuse me. i think you misunderstood the rules." to which he replied nothing. at which point i said- "are you serious right now?" to which he repiled- "SHUT UUUUUPPP!!! you gonna make a big deal out of it? i didnt see you there ALL RIGHT?!!?" hmmm. its at this point decisions come quick. his outerwear told me he was of the derolict crew. i was vastly outnumbered. this was a situation i needed to handle with delicate precision. " im only trying to point out the fact that what you did was rude man. nothing more." i said. c a l m l y. "you wasnt even in line!" he gnashed. "i was that person standing in front of you man. if i wasnt in line then neither were you." "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!??!" he growled. to which i said while now tying my shoe "you know what dude? why dont you just pay for your shit, get out of my face, and have a good day of picking up pennies off the ground."
... and that was that.
silence now. and my head is still on a swivel one day later. a final rebuttal is coming im sure, when a check my mouth has been writing comes back and bounces off my head. until then, its all about the delicate precision.